Story No 2 - Cementing Their Bond: A Bertie and Edith Story
by Sydney100
Summary: The next day after Bertie wins Edith back at the Ritz - Edith sits down and tells him everything about how she came to have Marigold. (A sequel to: "The Ritz: Winning Back My Darling Edith")
1. Chapter 1 - Charming her at Lunch

**Chapter 1:**

 **Author's Note:** This story originally began as the third chapter to my "The Ritz – Winning Back My Darling Edith" story – but before I knew it – it was very long and seemed to have taken a life of it's own. So now it's more of a sequel, really. I suggest reading 'The Ritz' first since I make several references to it in this story.

Bertie woke up the next morning in his hotel feeling like he could float around on a cloud, he was so happy. He and Edith were back together, at last. The day before had had so much riding on it, and he had never truly let himself plan for what he might do if he failed to win Edith back, the possibility was too terrible to even contemplate. But he didn't have to. Edith had accepted his apologies _and_ his proposal and now they could move forward together, he was beaming and smiling to himself, like a man in love.

Edith might have been the one at work that day, but Bertie was no slouch. While waiting to see her again, he made lunch and dinner reservations for them. He also called his butler at Brancaster to apprise him of the new plan. He _and_ Lady Edith would arrive the next day by train, and her parents, the day after that. After that was the more difficult task, Bertie's mother. They spoke on the phone for awhile while she attempted to convince him to delay the announcement until they had more time to plan, but Bertie was not to be thus persuaded. He knew his mother meant well, and wanted his happiness, but her stern opinions were sure to be a hindrance he knew, not just for the announcement of the engagement, but likely beyond that as well. Bertie wasn't nervous about Edith and his mother meeting, there was no possible way that his mother wouldn't like Edith, but the Marigold issue…. well, Bertie hadn't quite figured out how much to involve his mother in that, or not involve her, if he so chose. But that would be a decision for another day.

Bertie finished up with his mother and quickly headed out to pick up Edith from work and take her to _Rules_ for lunch. It was a nice to go there with her and be able to have a nice leisurely lunch. It mirrored their first date in an interesting manner: they had failed to have a drink as had been the plan but instead rushed out and ended up having a much more interesting, and, it turned out, memorable evening putting out the magazine for publication. Over lunch, they had relaxed discussions about wedding plans and food. Edith brought up cousin Peter, inquiring about his trip to Tangiers and the subsequent memorial service back in Northumberland. Bertie told her all about both, and explained that the latter had felt considerably harder since she had not been there and he had wanted her there so badly. Neither wanted to dwell on sad thoughts so the conversation quickly turned to how he was adjusting to his new responsibilities as a Marquess. Bertie was quite candid with Edith, explaining some of the challenges he had faced already and he confessed to her that he wasn't accustomed to having staff in his home and he was harboring hopes that Edith would help him learn the ropes.

Edith responded "I would be delighted to help you in any way I can, but I'll remind you that you and I won't live together until we're married, so you're on your own for at least a few more months"

Bertie laughed and replied "That's very true, and perhaps a good segue into discussing the task of fixing a date. Do you have any thoughts on where and when you'd like us to get married?"

"Yes, I've given it some thought. If it's alright with you, I'd like to get married at Downton."

Bertie leaned over and grabbed her hand "I'll marry you wherever you want. So long as you say yes."

Edith smiled at him in that smile that took up her whole face again and Bertie beamed with pride, delighted that he was able to get her to smile like that.

"As for when, I've always been rather partial to winter weddings, so what do you think about Christmastime? Or perhaps shortly thereafter?"

Bertie quickly calculated that that was just over three months away. That was very manageable to him. He had been harboring a small fear that she was going to choose the following summer or some distance season that felt eons away from then. But three months was something he certainly could manage.

"A winter wedding around Christmastime at Downton sounds perfect."

Shortly after fixing the rough date and location of their wedding, Edith brought up the Marigold story again. Bertie sensed that she was eager to tell him the story and he was happy about that. He wanted her to feel comfortable enough with him that she could tell him anything. And since Marigold, and her history were clearly a big part of Edith's past, he wanted to know it, and he wanted Edith to want him to know it. It all seemed like a good sign to him.

Edith suggested that after lunch they take the long walk back to her flat and spend the rest of the afternoon there, since, as she warned him, the story might take a long while for her to tell it in full. Bertie heartily agreed to the plan, and built on it by suggesting after the story was over, he leave her to change for dinner and he come back at 7pm to pick her up for their 8pm reservation later that evening.

After lunch, they undertook the long walk back to her flat, arriving just before 4pm. Edith opened her front door and walked in, leaving a space for Bertie to follow as well before she shut the door behind them. She looked at him and smiled, but Bertie could clearly see she was already a little uncomfortable. He didn't blame her. They were about to embark on what was sure to be a long conversation on a topic of some difficulty for her.

"Shall I pour us a drink?" Edith asked. And Bertie smiled at her and decided he would start things off on the right page.

"Darling, I'll get the drinks, you sit down on the couch and get comfortable. What would you like?"

Edith smiled and told him she'd like a whisky with a little water. Bertie poured both their drinks and headed back over to the couch.

Bertie sat down and handed Edith's glass to her.

Edith took in a big sigh and looked into her glass. She was clearly nervous so Bertie decided to continue to do what he could to make her at ease. "Edith – before you say anything, I want you to know two things: First, I hope you feel comfortable with me and trust me enough to tell me whatever you like. You know you have my unconditional love, trust and support. However, with that being said – you don't _have_ to tell me _anything_ that you don't want to. How you proceed is entirely up to you and you'll have my support no matter what you say or don't say."

Edith smiled and took a breath and a sip of the drink. Bertie waited patiently as she stared at her glass and hesitated. She stole a glance at him, who was looking right back at her.

"Ok. So perhaps I should begin right at the very beginning. You already know about Sir Anthony Strallan, and his leaving me at the altar.." Bertie nodded. Edith had told him about that, although he still couldn't believe that any man would be foolish enough to leave Edith but he wouldn't lament it, because Strallan's loss was his gain.

"After that, I think I needed something to … hang my hat on, so to speak. Something that was my own, that I could be proud of. So, I thought about what I wanted. I found that I was interested in politics. So I wrote an opinion piece for the Times on the new Act from Parliament providing the vote to women, criticizing its deficiencies – and, to my delight, and my father's _horror_ – it was published!"

Bertie raised his eyebrows in surprise and smiled in pride.

"Getting my letter published felt like a real accomplishment and I was quite proud of it. Shortly afterward, I received a letter from the editor of _the Sketch_ Magazine. He indicated that he'd read my letter and was impressed with my writing and offered me a weekly column in his magazine, with a considerable amount of freedom to choose what I wanted to write about. And, as you may have guessed – that editor was Michael Gregson"

Bertie saw Edith pause after saying his name and look at him. He didn't want to speak yet, since the story was only beginning and he wanted her to feel safe to tell it however she chose.

"It took awhile for me to accept, because between my writing the letter for the Times, and accepting Michael's offer – Sybil went into labour and, as you know, she passed away during childbirth. This was devastating of course, and so I was quite preoccupied at home and our family was in mourning. However, a short while later, Michael wrote a second time and extended the offer of the column again. After some internal deliberation, and some fighting with my father, I took a meeting with Michael and I ultimately accepted his offer."

"I wrote every week, and Michael reviewed my columns. To some he made some noteworthy edits, but most of the time he kept the main structure of my arguments as I had written them. I appreciated that if he ever made a change to one of my columns, he always wrote or telephoned - to tell me precisely what he was changing and why. It felt like a demonstration that he respected my intelligence, and I quite appreciated the courtesy of his effort. This continued for some time and I made a few trips to London every few weeks accordingly.

"After awhile, I began to sense that he was… _flirting_. My sense was promoted to certainty with time, and I found I was not opposed to the idea of him, I liked Michael and I very much enjoyed his company…. until… I made some inquiries and discovered that… Michael was….. married."

Edith looked up from her glass at Bertie in a way that told him that this was the moment she had been dreading. She was clearly looking to see how Bertie might react to the news that Marigold's father was married to someone else. But Bertie was a quick learner, and he had meant what he said to her earlier when he told her he trusted her. And he knew her well enough to know that if Michael was married to someone else, there absolutely would be more to this story. Edith would never consent to be a mistress to a married man without any consideration of the wife. He would wait for her to continue her story before emitting any kind of reaction whatsoever. However, Edith seemed to have lost her nerve a bit. She had transferred her gaze back down to her glass and seemed to be contemplating something. He tried to encourage her a bit "So what happened after that?"

"Well, naturally, I went straight down to London the next day to admonish him. I told him I had discovered he was married and was insulted by his flirting, and promptly tendered my resignation from his publication. I can still remember how sad he looked as I skewered him…."

Edith looked down and took a beat, and Bertie saw a flicker of sadness in her eyes, but it was gone just as quickly as it appeared. "He begged me to allow him to offer up an explanation. I recall, I expressed doubt as to his ability to do so, but I did permit him to speak after I was through admonishing him. He explained that yes, technically he was still married, but his wife was in an asylum. She had been deemed a lunatic almost ten years earlier and there was no hope for a cure to her mental ailment. He spoke very lovingly about her, and indicated that he had had to mourn her, and their marriage for quite awhile before he accepted that she truly was lost to him … or something to that effect, I can't recall how he worded it exactly. However, the law prohibits a divorce in such a circumstance since a lunatic can neither be the guilty nor the innocent party."

Bertie had no idea what his face looked like. He hadn't known what he had expected from her in terms of what explanation she would proffer, but it wasn't that. But he _was_ pleased, however, to have been proven right. He knew there would be more to Gregson's being married and this was a very thorough justification for Edith being involved with a married man.

Edith continued: "Anyway. He begged me to reconsider resigning. And I did end up withdrawing my resignation. I loved writing the column and wanted to continue it. But I also explained to him that although I was sympathetic to his plight, I simply could not take up with a married man. It was not possible. He accepted my romantic rejection and expressed that he was pleased I would continue my writing."

"So we continued professionally for awhile as we had initially. That is, until the following summer, my family travelled to the Highlands, to visit Lord and Lady Flintshire, who are cousins of my father's. Michael knew I was travelling and he made a point of going to Scotland as well. He… renewed his expression of his feelings for me and hoped I might be persuadable. So I told him the truth – That I had feelings for him as well, but we were at an impasse as there was no future. He had hoped to find an ally in Matthew, Mary's first husband, but Matthew discouraged Michael from any further advances. Michael seemed to accept defeat and told me he would give up… but….. I …told him not to."

Edith had been looking at Bertie but looked back down at her drink for that last part. Bertie could see that she was uncomfortable but it was definitely too soon to speak so he simply hoped she would continue.

"I essentially told him that if he found a different way forward other than simply asking me to live with him in sin, I would ….be open to considering it. And he said he would see what could be done. Also – immediately after this trip, on the day that Mary gave birth to George, Matthew, died on his way home from the hospital. So, once again, our house was in mourning for some time. Not only was Matthew very young, _and_ Mary's husband, _and_ the heir to my father's title and the estate, but he was a _lovely_ and wonderful person and we all missed him very much. So, I suspect Michael didn't press any issues during this time as a sign of deference to our house of mourning. But six months later, he invited me to London and told me we were to celebrate his "progress". He had learned that if he moved to Germany, however temporarily, and officially became a German citizen, he would be permitted to divorce Lizzie, his wife, and would be free to marry again. That night, he asked me directly – If he did this, would I marry him? And … I said that I would. And thus began our romantic relationship."

Author's Note: Continued in Chapter 2 – Hopefully you've enjoyed so far!


	2. Chapter 2 - Hearing about Gregson

**Chapter 2:**

Edith took a break there, and a sip of her drink. Bertie could see that she still had quite a bit to get through and it had already been difficult enough to get up to this point for her. He decided this was a good opportunity to jump in with some encouragement.

"How are you doing so far?" And smiled at her to show he was being supportive.

Edith took in a big breath "Good! I've already dropped the big shock on you and you haven't run for the door yet, so.. that's encouraging!" With that, Bertie immediately reached out and grabbed her hand and looked at her in a way to make sure she caught his eye "I told you. I'm not going _anywhere_. I want you and, so long as you want me, I'm staying put."

Edith smiled at him. He thought he caught her looking at his mouth, but she was so subtle sometimes that he wasn't entirely sure. She did, however, ask a question he wasn't expecting "Would it be alright if I move closer to you? I feel quite far away over here on the other side of the couch..."

"My darling, you _never_ have to ask that question again – the answer will _always_ be yes." So Edith got up and sat down right next to him. She removed her shoes and pulled her knees up so that both of her thighs were parallel and touching his right thigh, and her feet pointed to the other end of the couch. She was close enough to him that she could touch him, but not quite close enough for him to put his arm around her. So, instead, Bertie twisted his torso a small amount so that he could better face her and make sure she knew she had his full attention.

Edith smiled at this little gesture of his, and continued her story "Ok. Getting back into it. Michael announced his German divorce plans… After that, everything seemed to happen quite quickly. Michael's lawyer facilitated all the plans and seemed quite optimistic that it could be managed without any legal difficulties. However, he said the timing would be unpredictable. The whole process could take anywhere from one month to an entire year. Michael, ever the pragmatist, decided to plan for the likelihood that it would take a year. He took a sabbatical from work, hired a contract replacement to edit the magazine in his absence, and found tenants to rent out his flat while he was away. All his preparations took a few months, and I visited a few times during that period."

"Suddenly, he was ready to leave for Munich. I went to London for a few days, and visited Michael one last time about a week before his departure. He presented me with a document that his lawyer had prepared to provide me with power of attorney over his personal affairs as well as his business affairs in case he should be unreachable and decisions needed to be made. On our last evening together, I signed that document and he informed me that he would file it with his lawyer the next day, and I know that he did. We spoke about our future, and I think we were both sad since we knew it would be goodbye for quite awhile. And, well… that was the evening that …..well…." Edith shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

Bertie understood her meaning and helped her out "That … Marigold….began her existence?"

Edith smiled at Bertie in a way that demonstrated gratitude for not making her elaborate. "You may wonder, but I don't regret it. I know I should, but I don't. Especially since my time with Michael was ultimately so short. The act came from a place of love and how can I regret something that gave me Marigold." Bertie smiled in support.

"Anyway, the next day I travelled back to Downton, and a few days later, Michael left for Munich. He told me he would telephone me to let me know that he arrived safely, and he did. He let me know he had checked in at his hotel and everything seemed ok thus far. As it turned, that ended up being the last time I ever spoke to him."

Bertie chastised himself for not better preparing for this story. He had known that Michael was dead, and that Edith had been engaged to him. But he should have anticipated the emotion this would draw up for her and prepared his support better. He only hoped he was doing alright so far.

"For the next few weeks, I hoped to receive a letter or something but there was nothing. He returned none of my letters and he was unreachable by phone. I hate to admit this part, but at first… there was a small time when I doubted him. I wondered if perhaps I'd been had. That he had wanted… one thing…. from me and, like a fool, I had given it to him. But then I remembered everything I knew about him, and how much trouble he had gone to, what a good person he was, and admonished myself and reminded myself to trust him as well as my own judgment. To say nothing of the tremendous amount of legal authority he had given me over his affairs. It all seemed like an awful lot of trouble if all he wanted was to seduce a woman." Edith let out a tiny resigned laugh, and Bertie smiled to reciprocate the gesture.

"About six weeks after hearing nothing from him, two things happened in quick succession. I discovered that I was pregnant, and, shortly thereafter, Michael was officially listed as a missing person. No one from the office could reach him, nor any member of the police, neither the English police nor German. His office sent a private investigator to Munich but there appeared to be no trace of Michael anywhere."

"However, I had problems of my own. I was pregnant, and … _unmarried_. I didn't dare confide in anyone but I did eventually break down and tell my Aunt Rosamund. She had known about the act that led to the pregnancy and had heavily rebuked me for it. Seemed only fitting that she be privy to the consequence as well." Edith chuckled self-deprecatingly but didn't take her eyes off her glass.

"What happened next is something I will owe Aunt Rosamund for, probably for the rest of my life. After I contemplated all my options… and I mean …. _all_ my options … I decided to keep the baby. She suggested that we two travel to the continent so that I might be able to bring the baby to term free from the prying eyes of English gossipers. The plan was that I would then give up the baby for adoption, and come back to England with no scorn and no difficulties. I, of course, hated this plan. I wanted to keep the baby, but with Michael missing, I simply couldn't see any alternative."

Bertie felt he ought to have known this was coming. Knowing that Marigold was her daughter, he obviously knew she had been pregnant, but he hadn't grasped the heartache that she must have felt. How stressful it must have been, to be unmarried and pregnant. Not to mention the added stress of her fiancé missing and having no idea what her future would look like.

"So, Aunt Rosamund and I went to Switzerland. I spent my pregnancy improving my French, reading novels and desperately hoping for any news from Germany. Details came in here and there, but nothing concrete for over a year and a half. Once Marigold was born, Doctors suggested I stay with the baby for a few more months, for her health to help her adjust and it was such a _miserable_ experience. My heart broke anew every day. I wanted to keep her so badly. But Aunt Rosamund kept insisting that adoption was the only option. My Aunt found a couple interested in adopting her, but, I'm ashamed to say, I ultimately went back on my word and I kept Marigold and took her back to England with me. The couple was quite reasonable and sympathetic to my plight, understanding the love of a mother for a child, and I will forever be grateful to them for that. Instead, I arranged to have a tenant farmer at Downton take care of Marigold with his wife, with me paying for everything, of course. But this plan didn't suit anyone at all. But more on that in a moment…"

Edith shifted gears and seemed to have discovered the strength to continue with the story with full strength, no longer suffering from the timidity and uncertainty that Bertie had sensed from her at the beginning.

"When Marigold was about 8 months old, I finally learned the truth about what happened to Michael. Because they had finally found…. his body."

"On his first, and turns out, only day in Munich, he telephoned me. Put his things into his hotel room, and then went out to a nearby pub for dinner. While there, some… thugs, in brown shirts came in and were harassing two women. Apparently the harassment turned violent and looked like it might become assault so Michael tried to intervene. The thugs turned their attention to Michael, they ganged up on him, and…. they _murdered_ him."

Bertie looked at Edith, who looked sad, but not overcome with emotion. He supposed she had had a lot of time to adjust to this news, both before receiving it, since every passing month during his disappearance probably made his death a more and more likely probability, and she had had time since learning the truth as well. However, that didn't stop Bertie from reaching out and taking her hand again. Edith smiled at Bertie and continued.

"Something happened that day. I decided I would not feel sorry for myself, and I would not cry and wail. But I also would not live by society's rules that kept me from my child anymore. Since Marigold's living arrangement was creating so many problems, and made me _miserable,_ I took her back and she and I left Downton and headed to London. While I was there, my mother learned about Marigold, from the farmer's wife, and she and Rosamund came to London to discuss my future. My mother persuaded me to come back to Downton and assured me that she would protect me and Marigold should her living at Downton create repercussions. I acquiesced, and, ever my supporter, my mother helped me get Marigold into Downton with no one ever _really_ asking why I was bringing the child into the house."

"I also did this because I knew I wasn't done dealing with the fallout from Michael's murder, and I suspected I would at least want people around to ensure I didn't feel too overcome with despair. I worked with the magazine management to ensure that staffing and publication went uninterrupted after the shock of Michael's passing. I also took over coordinating with the investigator in Munich to ensure that the staff of the Sketch could focus on their work and their grief and not be overwhelmed by the responsibility of managing the aftermath."

"I arranged for the investigator to pack up Michael's effects and ship them back to London. Michael himself, was another matter. Michael, as I said, had been dead for over a year and a half, so his body, as I'm sure you can imagine, was… in quite a state. Munich officials were reluctant to acquiesce to any requests about it from private citizens"

Edith continued "It turns out that, even under ideal circumstances, bringing a body back to England from Germany is quite expensive, and the magazine simply didn't have the funds for it….. so …..I paid." She looked resolute.

"I'm glad I did it. It felt right. And I'm ever so grateful for the investigator being in Munich. I shipped him the funds, and he took care of facilitating all the details. I suspect that organizing that would have been quite…. _difficult…_ for me and I'm thankful I didn't have to."

Edith paused and took stock of Bertie's face. Bertie was doing his level best to make sure he wasn't emoting through his face because making sure Edith felt comfortable as this story continued was of utmost importance to him.

Edith, it seemed, still had a long way to go before the story was over.

"What I did organize though, was a funeral for Michael. He had taken out a life insurance policy, which paid for most of the funeral. He also had a will, as you know, since he left me to inherit the magazine publishing company as well as his flat and the contents therein. However, he left no direction for what to do with his body, which, to this day, I still find surprising. He was so detailed and organized about everything, how he left out such a massive detail is a mystery to me. However, no matter, really. I did some searching and I discovered where his parents were buried. I tried to purchase a plot for Michael in the same cemetery as close to theirs as possible. I'm afraid they aren't too close together, it's roughly a ten minute walk between theirs and his. However, the walk is quite lovely under some willow trees, so I was pleased enough. I did the best I could." Bertie noticed her smile ever so slightly, almost reliving the sense of accomplishment that she must have felt at the time at sorting out Michael's final resting place.

"And as I said, I organized a small funeral for him. I invited his wife, and, of course she did _not_ attend. But her parents did – and to my surprise, they knew who I was and came up and introduced themselves to me."

"Turns out, Michael had told them about me. And what's more, he told them _why_ he was going to Munich and they apparently supported him wholeheartedly and wanted him to be happy. They told me they'd hoped I would be there because they had wanted to meet me, and - oh Bertie! They were _so lovely_ to me! Considering their son-in-law was trying to divorce their daughter - for me, they could have been nasty, but they weren't. They were so kind and friendly and warm and welcoming, and…"

Bertie noticed Edith fill with some kind of positive emotion as she told this part of the story

"… and I think their kindness was the best surprise I had had in a very long time." Edith smiled and continued "They asked me questions about my life, and I had such a lovely conversation with both of them and I was so pleased about that particular turn of events. It was such a relief to finally have something go well. They told me a little about their daughter's illness as well. She is _quite_ ill, it seems. She lives in a catatonic state, and apparently hasn't uttered a single word in over a decade. They told me about how Michael had tried to get her the help she needed. He'd contacted dozens of doctors and paid for her to see the very best specialists but eventually accepted that she had to be institutionalized. Doctors don't anticipate she will ever recover or return to the person she was."

"All in all, the day felt like a success. The funeral was extremely well attended, by his friends and colleagues. It became such a celebration of his life, rather than a mourning of the sombre tragedy of his death – and that pleased me."

Edith looked at Bertie as if she was contemplating adding more to the story. After a moment, she added "You may be wondering, but the answer is that I did _not_ bring Marigold with me to the funeral, for obvious reasons. There would have been no way to explain her presence…." Bertie nodded, but Edith wasn't finished "And although I know that was the right decision… something tells me I'm going to regret it someday. Even though Marigold was only an infant at the time, and wouldn't have remembered the funeral even if I _had_ brought her… I suspect I will come to regret not bringing her to her father's funeral."

Bertie looked at Edith, and he hoped the enormous amount of pride he felt on her behalf was visible in his face as he replied "I can't believe that you did all that." Bertie tried to ensure that his respect and admiration were perfectly clear when he said:

"I think you might just be the bravest person I have ever known."

Edith let out a small laugh "I can't believe that _that's_ true. Because the truth is, Bertie, had there been someone else to take care of things, I think I likely would have let them. So how brave can I be, really" She scoffed.

Bertie just shook his head in disagreement "There may have been no one else as an obvious candidate to take up the mantle of handling Michael's affairs, but you still could have said no. And someone, somewhere would have taken up the responsibility to get it done. But you did it. And you did it so well. _That's_ what makes you so courageous. You were going through a terrible time, but you stepped up when you were needed, and you respected Michael's memory with your efforts."

Edith smiled at Bertie, but didn't speak for a moment.

"To tell you the truth Bertie, when I reflect back on it, I'm glad I took charge and handled everything, including coordinating the investigator, taking the efforts to bring his body back from Munich, coordinating the funeral, and taking the lead at the magazine. I suspect that all those efforts served at the time as a form of catharsis for me. I suspect I was mourning him slowly in that year and a half I wait for news of his disappearance. The catharsis of handling his affairs served to help me … _close the book_ ….. on that chapter of my life. And perhaps more importantly was this-"

Edith took a breath before she finished the thought.

"Michael went to a tremendous amount of effort on my behalf, simply to try to be with me. And then, suddenly… he _died_. And that was it. Our relationship was over. So, I think… putting in such an extreme amount of effort into handling his affairs and making sure he was taken care of, was a way for me to repay the favour in a way, and…to … honour him, as he did me. It created a kind of symmetry to our relationship that, I think helped me to think of everything as complete and finished. To get closure, put it behind me and move forward."

Bertie could see that Edith was a little embarrassed about having talked so openly about another man to him, but Bertie was glad she did. This was exactly what he hoped for, Edith to feel comfortable enough with him to talk to him about _anything_.

"And so – Michael was buried. I had mourned him, and I got to a point where I felt glad of my time with him and could think back on it with a happy feeling, fond memories and a sense of finality. And I had fought and won to keep Marigold, and I made the decision that that would be my life. Magazine publishing and my daughter."

Edith looked at Bertie pointedly as she said: "Keeping Marigold meant letting go of any real possibility of ever getting married, and I knew and accepted that. I made a choice for how my future was going to look and I was comfortable in it. I had decided that I would dedicate my life from that point on to supporting my daughter and continuing my career in publishing and gave no thought to marriage, or even the possibility of it. And then, a little less than a year later…. I met _you_."

Edith smiled at Bertie in such a way that made Bertie beam with pride. Edith essentially just told him that she had not been expecting him, or what he brought into her life. And he felt so pleased that he had contributed something positive and surprising to her, in however small a measurement, since she had completely changed his entire life.

"Now Bertie, I'm not a believer in fate, or the cosmic stars or any of the like, but I will tell you a little of how well the timing had worked in our favour. When I first met you at Brancaster, when I chummed you on the first drive of the grouse that day, I hadn't felt that free in … _years._ What you didn't know was that two nights earlier, my father had come into my room, informed me that he had deduced Marigold's true identity, and pledged his unconditional love and support to me as my father and to Marigold as her grandfather."

Bertie looked genuinely surprised and touched at hearing how progressive Lord Grantham had been. He had a tremendous amount of respect for the man, but he had had a sense that he was more of a traditionalist and perhaps Bertie hadn't given him enough credit, he thought.

"And Bertie, I must say that the _stress_ of the potential of my father's disapproval and disappointment had been looming over me persistently for so long, and I had hated leaving him out of the secret. So, hearing him tell me that… it released such a _burden_ from me. And when I accompanied you on the shoot. Well, that was the best I had felt in a very, very long time. And I was more _open_ with you than I think I might otherwise have been."

Bertie smiled and said "I recall. At one point you said 'Today I feel very happy'".

"And I loved spending the afternoon with you as well, having tea in the drawing room before dinner. Oh! And do you recall when you asked me to dance in the library that evening?"

"I remember it _very_ well" Bertie replied knowingly.

"You remarked that Tom and I had 'looked very intense'. The truth is, right before you walked over, Tom told me that he, too, had worked out who Marigold was and pledged his support and love to me as well."

Bertie smiled to himself. He knew he liked Tom tremendously when they had met, but he made a mental note to be excessively kind to the man the next time he saw him.

"And from there, you know _our_ history of course, so, I think that's the whole of it, Bertie" Edith smiled at him in a resolute manner, that told Bertie she felt rejuvenated, rather than regretful, and he was delighted. He wanted to hear the whole story and he wanted her to feel comfortable enough to share everything with him. Not simply to ensure there were no secrets between them, but because he wanted her trust. Her full, and complete trust and he knew that her being so generous with the details in that story was a great stride in the direction he wanted to go.

Bertie thought carefully about what he wanted his next comment to be, he wanted to compliment her and shower her with love and support but he knew he had to hit exactly the right tone to affirm the conviction and strength he could see in her face. He wanted her to know how impressed and bowled over he was at her strength and ultimately how proud he was that she was his girl. However, he ought to have known that Edith was too quick for him, because she took advantage of his silence to add to her own commentary.

"I'm afraid, I gave you the full, unedited version of events filled with rather an _excess_ of details." She let out a light laugh "I find I'm not sorry though, I've never told the whole story to anyone before. I'm glad that you're the one to hear it. It feels quite nice actually… and _right_ … that you should be the only other person to know the entire story."

Bertie looked at Edith, in complete awe at the woman he loved so dearly and couldn't wait to marry. He knew she was strong, but hearing her story, in full like that, she had suffered so much, and instead of letting it completely break her, she developed a renewed strength, even if she couldn't fully see it herself yet. She knew who she was and what she was capable of. Her strife had helped her come into her own identity, and it was beautiful to see.


	3. Chapter 3 - Cementing the future

**Chapter 3:**

"I'm afraid, I gave you the full, unedited version of events filled with rather an _excess_ of details." She let out a light laugh "I find I'm not sorry though, I've never told the whole story to anyone before. I'm glad that you're the one to hear it. It feels quite nice actually… and _right_ … that you should be the only other person to know the whole story."

Bertie looked at Edith, in complete awe at the woman he loved so dearly and couldn't wait to marry. He knew she was strong, but hearing her story, in full like that, she had suffered so much, and instead of letting it completely break her, she developed a renewed strength, even if she couldn't fully see it herself yet. She knew who she was and what she was capable of. Her strife had helped her come into her own identity, and it was beautiful to see.

Edith smiled at Bertie and twisted on the couch to face him. Bertie looked into Edith's eyes and was so thrilled that she looked happy. He learned forward and gave her a chaste kiss, barely grazing her lips with his own. He pulled his face back and smiled at her.

"Thank you for telling me your story. I feel honoured and privileged that you would bring me into your confidence about it. Am I really the only one who knows the whole of the story?"

Edith only nodded.

"Rosamund doesn't know all the detail about what you did, about the funeral and the like? Nor your parents? How can that be?"

Edith straightened up a little "The truth is, the whole matter was so… _grisly_ , and papa and mama I suspect just wanted the whole matter wrapped up so and done with. So, I didn't bother to give them details about Michael's funeral and I didn't invite them or Rosamund. I suspect if I had invited Tom, he would have come but, in the end, I think it was better that I did it all myself. My father does know the details of Michael's death, though. When Michael's lawyer came to Downton to tell me, my father sat with me as I received the news."

Bertie smiled "That was very kind and supportive of him."

"Indeed. And over the year and a half that Michael was missing, my father offered several times to pay for a second investigator to go over should I have wished it, but I didn't see the value in it."

Bertie only smiled encouragingly. Edith took the opportunity to change the topic. She pointed at Bertie's glass and said "Shall I freshen up your drink?"

Bertie insisted on doing that himself. He didn't want Edith to feel she must wait on him or _do_ anything just then. He wanted her to feel comfortable and at ease.

"I'll do it, yours as well?" Edith nodded and handed her glass to him. Bertie took the two glasses and headed back over to the bar. As he was pouring the drinks, he thought about everything he had learned, but most of all, he was struck by how much Edith had gone through and suffered, the misery that she had been consistently subjected to, for _years_. And then, long after Michael was dead, she made it clear that she never expected she would be allowed to move on, even if her heart was ready for it. She had moved forward with such strength and conviction and decided to be fine on her own. That at least partly explained why she didn't even remember Bertie at first, that time they ran into each other here in London, and why she was reluctant to agree to meet him for a drink. The whole time she had a secret that she believed to be an insurmountable impediment, preventing them from having a future. Throughout the entire first part of their courtship, Edith had had this undercurrent of _fear_ , that there was no future for them, that she had no right or expectation to be happy, not with him, given her circumstances. Bertie thought back to how every time they were together, Bertie was over the moon, with a song in his heart and a spring in his step, but Edith – she may have been happy at times, even _very_ happy, but she never felt fully free. He remembered that the night before, at the Ritz, she had said she felt light and free – but was that really the first time she had felt that with him?

Bertie felt overcome by the need to protect her. She clearly was quite capable of protecting herself, but he wanted to protect her as well. To keep her safe and happy. But a dark, heavy weight suddenly crashed down on him because he realized he _hadn't_ protected her, quite the opposite. He found out about Marigold, albeit in less than ideal circumstances, and he turned his back on Edith. When he was tested, Bertie had let her down. Bertie thought about the part he had played in her sadness. Edith had kept Marigold from him for fear that his knowing would be the end of their time together, and sure enough, he found out, and broke her heart on the front lawns of her family home.

Suddenly, Edith was standing beside him and touched his arm, making him jump out of his revelry. "Bertie – are you alright? You seem suddenly very far away. What are you thinking about?"

Bertie turned and looked at her. "I was just thinking about you. You have suffered through far more than your share of misery. You told me your whole story, and all I want to do is love you and protect you and make you happy. But I've already failed you. I know I shouldn't make this about me, but I hate that I've contributed to your pain. That day after I first learned about Marigold…I didn't help you, I only-." Bertie suddenly felt overcome with guilt and shame. He knew that they had put it all behind them and renewed their relationship, but now that he knew how _much_ she had suffered and for so many years. He wanted to be her champion, her comfort and hero. But he had added to her pain. Even if he undid it later, the renewed shame was almost too much to bear. He leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers and whispered: "I'm so very sorry, Edith".

Bertie heard his voice catch a little, and felt a little embarrassed, but he was more devastated than anything. But, Edith responded quickly and fully. She immediately threw her left arm around his shoulders and her right hand up to the side of his face. She pulled her head back from his just enough to shake her head "No." and replied: "No. I ought to have known you'd be so wonderful about everything and I should have told you much sooner." Edith paused briefly to make sure she had his full attention.

"….probably as soon as I realized that you're the _one_."

Bertie beamed with pleasure at that. He took in the look of certainty on her face, and once again marveled at how she spoke with such confidence and conviction, no wonder she was such a good writer, he thought.

Bertie brought his hand up to her face and gently stroked her cheek. He was immediately aware that this was the first time he was touching her skin on any part of her body other than her hand and couldn't stop noticing how soft and smooth it was. Edith moved her right hand down to gently rest it on his shoulder and continued to look into his eyes.

Bertie smiled at Edith, and responded slowly "I wonder when you realized I was the one, because I'll bet you I realized that about you much _sooner_ than you did", and he finished by giving her that signature sly smile that made Edith's knees go weak.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't make this about me. This is about you. And your story. Thank you for telling it to me, I feel honoured to be in your confidence."

Edith let out a little laugh and continued to beam with joy, and Bertie pulled her face to his and kissed her with such fervor that he wasn't sure he would be able to ever stop. He moved his hand to her back in between her shoulders and pulled her chest into his chest. Bertie realized he was getting quite comfortable taking such liberties with her body like that. Each kiss was getting to be so passionate and intense, and Bertie knew he was dancing on the line of impropriety. Sure, she was his fiancée but they weren't yet married and these kisses were more passionate than were probably suitable by society's standards but Bertie didn't care in the slightest. Edith didn't seem to be protesting either, and he only cared about her happiness, not about the opinions of strangers on how they showed each other they loved each other.

After the kiss was over, Bertie once again rested his forehead on hers and loved how at home he felt with her in his arms.

However, Bertie suddenly became aware of something else. Edith had just told him the whole story of Michael Gregson. Including the fact that she had slept with a man she was not married to, knowing full well what that meant in terms of risk, and it had resulted in so much stress and strife for her. She didn't regret her decision, as she said, and he understood and fully accepted the reasons for that: love and Marigold. He and Edith were absolutely on the same page about their future. Their rapport had the kind of ease that dreams were made of. But now, here she was, engaged to him, and he was in a unique predicament. He knew that a woman who had sex before marriage ran big risks with her reputation, and Bertie had been very clear with her that he didn't care what had happened in the past and he loved her unconditionally. But sex _was_ going to be a part of their relationship soon enough and Bertie didn't want her to fear that because he knew of her experience that he might think _differently_ of her as a result, or… _pressure_ her into engaging in anything prematurely. He needed her to know that, especially if he wanted to continue to touch her when they kissed between now and their wedding. He wanted her to know that he respected her fully and no history of hers would make him feel _entitled_ to anything from her, simply because she had already done it once before. He would do things the right way, and make sure she knew she was loved and respected and that things would only progress when she was fully comfortable with them doing so. The undercurrent of fear that she had felt in the first part of their courtship, that was not to be repeated. He could tell he was making great strides in cementing her trust, but navigating intimacy was new territory and he wanted to be certain to not take a misstep.

There was another side to this concern. If Bertie overcorrected and was too conservative about their physical intimacy prior to their wedding, he feared Edith might think that it was on account of his being somehow disengaged physically because of her history or worse, that he wasn't attracted to her. Because he certainly, certainly was. Not only was she strikingly beautiful, but she had just shared a deeply personal story with him about her history and how it had impacted her sense of self and desires for her future. He had never before felt so connected to another person and he felt renewed wave of gratitude that he'd met Edith, since he couldn't imagine loving someone more or being so sure about his future choice of wife.

What's more, he _absolutely_ didn't want her to feel that she could never initiate any physical contact with him, for fear he might _judge_ her for her forwardness or some such nonsense. Their marriage was going to be a union of equals, a partnership. Where they could both bring up any conversation, or start any physical intimacy whenever they wanted. Essentially, he didn't want Michael Gregson to become some emotional barrier for Edith in their relationship, some invisible weight that Edith felt she had to drag around with her and could never address. Bertie wanted Edith to feel completely at ease, and comfortable with him. Not just generally but specifically when they eventually began to make love as well. Lovemaking was supposed to be a mutual expression of love between two people and Bertie wanted that for him and Edith, with no emotional baggage or concerns about pasts or fears of what the other might be thinking. No sense of obligation or fear of judgment would be anywhere near their intimacy, he would make sure of that.

But now the challenge was how to tell her all this without embarrassing her terribly or himself, for that matter. But he had to find a way to do so, this was too important.

Bertie looked at her and said: "Shall we sit back down?" Edith smiled and headed over to the couch. They sat back down together in much the same manner as earlier, but Edith kept her legs out front this time and crossed them in his direction. Also, this time she sat close enough to Bertie that he was able to put his arm around her, and Edith responded by leaning into him ever so slightly.

Bertie had no idea how to broach the topic he wanted to discuss. He decided to start generally: "How are you feeling now? That the whole story has been told?"

Edith took a moment to think and responded: "I feel good about it. In fact, it's quite a relief. I had been dreading telling you about Marigold, which, of course I see now was a mistake. I'm so pleased that you know everything, because I want you to know everything." Bertie simply responded "I'm so delighted to hear that." Edith turned to look at him "However, I must tell you – when we go to dinner shortly, we're spending the entire meal talking about _you_. It's my turn to learn more about you!"

Bertie only laughed as he replied "Absolutely – I will tell you anything and everything you wish to know about me. Because, like you, I want you to know everything." Bertie looked at her beautiful face and smiled. She already looked so much more content, and relaxed and peaceful than she did before they started this conversation. He loved it. He considered briefly leaving the conversation he wanted to have for another day, but thought better of it. They had just discussed Michael Gregson in great detail and this was his opportunity to set the tone he wished to establish on the topic of Gregson for any future conversations as well.

"Edith, now that you've told me everything, I want to be sure that there aren't any lingering concerns for you about things that may make you uncomfortable as we move forward together."

Edith brought her gaze up to Bertie and looked a little puzzled: "What kind of lingering concerns?" Bertie immediately replied "Oh I don't know, really. I suppose I want to make sure that you know that you can talk to me about anything, whenever you like. I want to make sure that Michael Gregson doesn't become some element of your life that you feel you must hide and can never discuss should you ever wish to. I want us to be open with each other and perhaps more to the point, I want to make sure you don't fear that I … " Bertie desperately searched for a different word to use, but there really was no suitable alternative.

"I want to make sure you don't fear that I somehow _judge_ you or anything like that on account of the decisions you made with Michael. Because I absolutely don't. It has no impact whatsoever on how I think and feel about you. You and Michael had a history, and rather a unique one, in several respects. I suppose I don't want you to feel in anyway that your history with him will have any impact on _our_ relationship, at least not from my perspective."

Edith only looked at Bertie, with ever a hint of a smile creeping on her face. Bertie waited a moment in case she was about to speak, but she said nothing so he continued "I don't mean to make you feel at all awkward, but I want you to know that the fact that you… _have_ a … history, is not going to have any impact on how things progress for us. I want you to know that I will never use that _information_ against you. _Ever_. I don't judge the choice you made, or who you are. And perhaps most importantly, I will _never_ use it to pressure you into anything prematurely, or even before you are ready. I don't feel entitled to anything from you. And it has no impact on how I think and feel about you. _None_. I hope you know that I want our relationship to be one of mutual respect, trust and love. I want you to feel comfortable being completely yourself with me, always. I will never…. _expect_ anything from you, not in that respect. "

And now, it was Bertie's turn to lose his nerve. He was rambling and it was not a good colour on him. Whatever made him think that bringing this up was a good idea? He ought to have waited till he had time to structure this commentary with some more eloquence. He felt foolish, and that he'd bungled a sensitive topic and completely missed the mark.

Bertie was staring into his own glass, trying to recover his courage when Edith suddenly brought her hand up to the side of his neck and slowly turned his head to face her. To Bertie's surprise, Edith was beaming with pleasure. At first she didn't say anything, but Bertie definitely saw her transfer her gaze from his eyes down to his mouth and then back up to his eyes. There was no mistaking it that time. Finally, after a few moments, she quietly said "I don't know what I did to deserve you…Now kiss me, Bertie"

Bertie felt thrilled.

He may have stumbled his way through that speech, but she had understood his meaning, and his intended objective perfectly. Once again he was in awe of how well they complemented each other. He leaned forward, and placed his left hand on her hip and leaned in slowly to kiss her, as requested. He kissed her top lip first, ever so gently. And then he kissed her bottom lip. He went in for a third kiss, for which Edith amped up the intensity by bringing her torso in closer to his, making sure her crossed legs were touching his, and moving her hand to the back of his head. This kiss served as a reminder to Bertie that Edith was too smart to let the past influence the future. She would be as open and affectionate as she wanted with him and she clearly trusted Bertie completely and was inviting him to do the same. Edith broke the kiss and stared into his eyes for a long moment. After awhile she said "I think you should know something, Bertie."

Bertie smiled and looked back at her. "Oh yes? What is that?"

Edith took a sigh but didn't stop smiling. "Being with you… This is the happiest I have ever been."

Bertie felt overcome with emotion and crashed his lips onto hers once again. He put his forehead on her forehead and whispered "Likewise".


End file.
